Good Bye, Severus
by BootstrapBoula
Summary: After reading Snape's memories, I couldn't fathom Lily being with anyone but him, so I thought about how she ended up with James. The obvious answer was that she settled for him, but I wasn't comfortable with that either. Harry's parents had to be completely in love. So here's my "One Shot" of what happened to make Lily forget about Severus, mostly, and fall in love with James.


**AN:** I scribbled this story out a few weeks after reading HBP, and I've finally gotten around to typing it up. After reading all of Snape's memories, I couldn't fathom Lily being with anyone but him, so I thought about how she could have ended up with James. The obvious answer was that she just settled for him, but I wasn't comfortable with that either. In my mind, Harry's parents had to be completely in love. So, here's my little story of what could have happened to finally make Lily forget about Severus (mostly), and fall completely in love with James.

Also, I make reference to previous encounters between Lily and Severus that were never mentioned in the books, but I imagine they happened.

_Italics_ indicate what a character is thinking. I think I do it like three times in this story.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own any of these characters or settings; they belong solely to the wonderful J.K. Rowling.

* * *

**Good Bye, Severus**

Lily Evans had been looking at the door for 20 minutes, trying to muster up the courage to knock. She had only been to the small house on Spinner's End a handful of times, since Severus had always preferred they go to the Evans' home instead. As she stood there, reminiscing about their childhood, she lamented the loss of her childhood home. She had passed it on her way to Spinner's End. The new owners had not yet removed the "Sold" sign, but they had already re-painted the happy yellow door and shutters to an awful brown colour.

Lily's mother had died two years ago, and her father, overcome with grief, had succumb to dementia and moved into a nursing home. Lily didn't get to see him nearly as often as she liked. A tear rolled down her cheek at the though. There really was far too much happening in her life right now. As another tear fell, she quickly brushed it away, took a few deep breaths, and knocked. She didn't want to start blubbering before she even saw him.

Severus quickly went to the door, since he recognized their secret knock. Needless to say, he was not expecting her. True, he had recently written her a letter when he found out about her father, but he hadn't expected a reply, and certainly not a visit. He opened the door, planning to quickly shuffle her inside in case anyone was watching, but he found an empty stoop.

"It's me, I'm under an invisibility cloak," Lily whispered. "Are you alone?"

"My father's passed out upstairs as usual. But other than that, I'm quite alone," Severus answered.

"Good," Lily responded. Severus was pushed back into the hallway by an unseen force, and the door closed on its own accord. She took the cloak off and stuffed it in her purse.

"So, Potter _does_ have an invisibility cloak? I always suspected," Severus observed.

"Listen, I'm not here to make small talk, Severus. I need to tell you something," Lily signed, "something important." She let herself into the small living room, but remained standing, despite the seat Severus offered her. She didn't intend to stay long; this needed to be short and sweet.

"You moved in with Potter?" Severus guessed. "Yes, I had gathered that. So if that's all, you can just..." he gestured towards the door.

"No. No, that's not all! God, you always think you know everything! I risk my life just to come here, and you immediately tell me to leave!?" She was beginning to feel her heart break all over again.

"No, no Lily, that's not what I meant! Don't you think I want you to stay?" _Here? Forever? _he wanted to add. "We haven't seen each other since 7th year. Yes, I want you to stay. But we're likely being watched, you know?"

"Of course I know that!" Lily snapped back. "What do you think I was wearing the invisibility cloak for?"

"So what is so important that you would risk your life to come see me?" Severus replied coolly, "Is it about your father?"

"No, no it's not about death..." Lily remembered the four letters they had exchanged since their mothers' deaths. She had been the first to initiate their contact after they stopped speaking in 5th year. "Actually, it's about life..." she trialed off, and Severus just looked at her as he always did when he knew she was about to say something important.

Tears started to well up in her eyes. She still loved Severus, even after all these years. It was easier to forget when she didn't see him, but this was bringing it all back. Standing in his childhood home, she was brought back to a time before the war, before he joined Voldemort's gang, and before he broke her heart. Back to when she was just an innocent girl in love.

Lily's hand went subconsciously to her stomach, as it often did these days, and she thought of James. She was surprised at how angry she suddenly felt with him. Until tonight, she had been nervous and scared about her pregnancy, but never angry at James. After all, he was one of her best friends, and she did love him, but not like he loved her. He had been her rock after her mother died, and with her father nearing the end, she often felt that James was the only person left who cared about her. But still, she was angry. Angry that it was _his_ baby inside her and not the man's who she was truly in love with. The man who she could never be with because of bloody politics. The man who at this moment was patiently waiting for her answer. She took a deep breath and cleared her suddenly dry throat.

"I...I'm...pregnant," she closed her eyes, not wanting to see his reaction.

"You're WHAT?" he shouted, louder than he had intended. Lily flinched.

"Pregnant," she repeated, more confidently this time.

"Look at me," Severus demanded, and stepped closer to her.

She slowly opened her bright green, tear stained eyes to meet the angry black ones glaring down at her.

"How could you get pregnant at a time like this? Do you know how dangerous that is!?" he glanced in concern at her stomach.

"Accidents happen," Lily replied.

"Accident? Accident? I thought you were smarter than that, Lily!" Severus was shouting louder and louder.

"Yes, it was an accident! Alright?" Lily shouted back. "They happen to the best of us! And if I recall correctly, you once told me that you yourself were - "

"Shut up!" he turned away from her, pacing the room in a huff. There was a brief silence before he suddenly snapped back at her, "But that's a good point. You can see how brilliantly my parents turned out," he spread out his arms to reference the miserable little home. "Please don't tell me you're going to _marry _him now?"

"I have to, Sev! What else am I supposed to do? Harry and I will have nowhere to live now that - "

"Harry? Harry Potter?" Severus said mockingly. "I thought you always wanted to name you son Dudley, after that actor?"

"Yes well, Petunia just had a son, so she beat me to it," Lily offered a small smile, which seemed to quell Severus's anger a little.

"Be sure to send her my congratulations," he said wryly.

"Oh, she'd love that," Lily responded, her smile turning mischievous.

Severus sighed, his anger dying into resignation. "So, you've decided you're marrying him then?" he asked again.

Lily looked at him sadly and fell onto the threadbare couch behind her. "I guess so." She knew this was the perfect time to ask what she really came here to ask. To give him one last chance. "Unless...unless you..." She cleared her throat. "When we got into that fight in 5th year, I always thought, well hoped really, that you would change. That you wouldn't become like your friends. But now, I think you've become one of them, officially." She glanced pointedly at his left wrist, which was covered by the dark blue cloak he was wearing. Severus successfully resisted the urge to cover it with his hand, knowing it would reveal that there was indeed something to hide. He continued to look her in the eye, so she went on, not really wanting a confirmation. "I think you've become a Death Eater. And if that's true, well...have you killed anyone, Severus?" She had to know the answer to this before she could continue.

He knelt down and took her hand, and looked her straight in the eye as he answered, "No, never." She knew he was telling the truth.

"Do...do you still love me?" Lily asked, looking down at their interlocked hands in her lap.

"Yes, always!" Severus replied and moved to sit beside her. He tried to put his arm around her but she shuffled away from him and released his hand. She wasn't ready for close contact yet. She knew that if she allowed it, she would probably never leave. But Severus frowned at her rejection.

"Do you still love me?" He felt completely vulnerable but he didn't care. Not with Lily.

"Yes, of course!" she replied vehemently. "I don't...I don't _love_ James, not the same way I love you. We're friends. And there's an...attraction," Severus scowled. "But Sev, I always hoped that one day..." she signed, "I blame the fairy tales I read as a kid. But I hoped that one day, you would reject Voldemort and, and come find me, and we would live happily ever after. But, now that I'm pregnant, it seems like the end of all that wishful thinking. A new life is going to be brought into this world, and he needs a father. So, I have to make a choice. Well actually, I know who I would choose if it were up to me, but it's up to _you_."

"Me?" Severus asked, confused. _She wants me to be..._

"Yes, you."

"Are you saying that you want me to be the father of Potter's baby?" Severus asked, with shock and anger. He had always been able to interpret what Lily meant when she was rambling.

When she heard him say it out loud she knew it sounded ridiculous, and a hell of a lot to ask, but she didn't care at this point. She missed him too damn much. "Severus, do you love me?" she asked again.

"Yes, more than anything, but - "

"Well then this is it. This is decision time. If I marry James, it's done. We can never be together. If you can live with that, fine. I don't think I can, but I sure as hell am _not_ becoming a Death Eater, so here's your ultimatum. You either marry me, leave Voldemort, and we go into hiding, or you can stay here with your precious Dark Lord and lose me forever. Professor Dumbledore is the best wizard who ever lived. He can protect us. I'll go to the Continent, America, to the tip of South Africa, whatever it takes!"

"It's not that simple, Lily, you know that," Severus signed. "I'm sure you heard about Regulus Black? He tried to leave and they killed him!" Severus exclaimed.

"You're much smarter than Regulus Black! Besides, he didn't go to anyone for help. He should have gone to Dumbledore. Or Sirius. Sirius would have -"

"Black hated his brother!" Severus answered.

"All the same, he would have helped him!" Lily insisted.

"Oh yeah? And what are Black and Potter going to do if they find out I've run off with Potter's girlfriend? And baby?" Severus challenged.

"Well they don't know yet! About the baby, I mean. Nobody knows! Nobody ever has to know Harry's his!" Lily explained desperately.

"Except when it comes out looking exactly like him?" Severus sneered.

"Maybe he won't! You don't know!" Lily countered.

"Lily, you're being unrealistic," Severus sighed.

"And you're being a coward who's too afraid of Lord Voldemort to fight for the girl he loves!" She yelled through her tears. "I never should have come here! I don't know why I ever thought you would change, Severus Snape! You're still the same little boy who would stare at me through the bushes and never actually - "

"But I did, I did come talk to you! And then I got you! I got your first kiss!" He grabbed her and kissed her, to remind her. _Finally_, they both thought. He had wanted to kiss her from the moment he heard her voice on the doorstep.

Lily resisted at first. She was still furious at him, but her residence spurred him on. Not to be outdone, she kissed him back even harder.

Severus broke off the kiss suddenly, but still held her waist. She panted for air as he whispered seductively in her ear, "I took your virginity too, don't forget that."

"Or did I take yours?" she responded, just as seductively. He kissed her again, more gently this time, but broke it off after a few minutes. This time he released her completely and moved away. She made a small noise of disapproval.

''Before you call me a coward, remember that I did fight for you once. But now I must keep you at a distance, for your own safety," Severus said sadly.

"You don't have to protect me!" Lily protested.

Severus gave a small laugh at her stubbornness. "I know, but -" he was cut off by the sound of the front door exploding off its hinges. Severus shot up and stepped in front of Lily, as she instinctively wrapped her arms around her stomach to protect her unborn child.

Macnair, Avery, and Rabastan Lestrange stepped through the hole where the door had been.

"Fraternizing with your filthy mudblood whore again, Snape?" Avery sneered.

Lily shot a Stupefy curse at him that missed him by inches. He shot a Crucio back at her that Severus deflected with an Expelliarmus charm, which sent Avery's wand flying across the room. Macnair seemed to forget about magic as he charged straight at Lily. He knocked Severus aside easily and pinned her arms against the wall. She kneed him in the groin and Stupefied him as he hunched over in pain. Avery and Lestrange proved more difficult to overcome.

In the commotion that ensued, Lily could feel herself getting weaker, even though she hadn't been hit with any spells. Her abdomen was tightening and she feared for the worst. She was panting harder than she usually did in a battle, and after the three Death Eaters were all the ground, she doubled over in pain.

"Run! Go home to _Potter_, where it's safe! I'll take care of this," Severus shouted as he started the memory charm on Macnair.

It wasn't at all like Lily to run from a fight, but she had to think of the baby. She darted between the bodies on the ground. Avery reached up to grab her leg as she ran, but she kicked it away. Right before she Disapparated, she turned back and looked at Severus sadly.

"Good bye, Severus," she said, knowing this time it was final.

"Good bye, Lily," he replied. And she was gone.

* * *

Lily landed in the garden of the small home she shared with James, where he sat reading a Quidditch magazine.

"Welcome back," he smiled. It was dark, so he didn't notice her disheveled appearance. "How's your dad feeling?" She had lied about where she was going that night.

"I don't feel so good," she whispered as she walked toward him. A particularly painful cramp hit her and she fell to the ground.

"Lily!" James exclaimed and ran to her. "What happened?" he asked as he knelt over her and lifted her head onto his lap.

She was barely conscious, but she had to explain, at least briefly.

"I'm pregnant," she managed to say between deep breaths. James' eyes almost popped out of his head in shock. "I was going to tell you…soon…but I was attacked by Death Eaters. They saw me….I need a healer," she managed to say before she lost consciousness.

* * *

Lily awoke to the sound of people talking softly. She recognized Sirius' and Remus' concerned voices, and heard someone sniffing. She felt someone holding her hand. The pain in her abdomen was gone, but she had a feeling that was a bad sign. Her eyes fluttered open and she squinted at the harsh hospital lights.

"Lily! How are you?" James said softly as he let go of her hand to stroke her hair. He kissed her gently on the forehead as she looked around. Sirius and Remus murmured greetings and her best friend Mary stroked her arm and looked at her through tear-stained eyes.

"How's the baby?" Lily responded and looked back at James. He looked down at his hands, and the others averted their gaze as she glanced at them. Mary sniffed again. "James?" She asked and looked back at him, her voice cracking with fear.

"It…umm, he…we lost him," he said sadly and finally looked up at her, tears falling from his eyes.

Lily cried for what seemed like hours. It didn't comfort her when the healer told her that this sort of thing was common in first time pregnancies, especially in highly stressful situations, and that she still had an excellent chance of conceiving again. And it didn't comfort her when Mrs. Potter told her she had had several failed pregnancies before finally having James.

The night she'd spent at Spinner's End had cost her first child's life, and she realized that Severus had been right. Their lives were far too complicated and dangerous now for them to ever be together, and this knowledge depressed her just as much, if not more, than losing her unborn child.

Fortunately, over the next few months she found the new love of her life. James was a constant comfort, and she finally allowed herself to see what a wonderful man he truly was, because her heart was not clouded by a love that could never be.

So when James proposed to her a few months later, she happily accepted. And when she got pregnant again, they were both nervous but excited. The terrible night at Spinner's End had shown her that her place was not with Severus Snape. It was with James, and their new baby. Lily had always believed that if something was meant to be, it would happen, like this baby, who had been conceived despite their heightened precautions. She finally accepted that although she would always love him, Severus was not the man she was meant to be with, and she was happy to live the rest of her life as Mrs. Lily Potter.


End file.
